History of Advertising in Haiku

I woke up this morning to see Jason Falls’ tweet about Aaron Strout’s #brandhaiku project.

So I wrote a few silly ones and then decided to write an annotated history of American advertising in haiku. Yeah, that was the best investment of a Monday afternoon.

Gutenberg makes press,
Media foundation made,
Print ads coming soon.

Mercantilists rules,
Gold and silver mattered most,
never let it leave.

Workers seen as dolts,
Export buys might lose metals,
Subsistence wage slaves.

Raw materials,
Finished, shipped abroad for sale.
Trade for gold, horde it.

Come to colonies,
Warm temp, free land for all men,
Early ads promised.

Trade winds fueled slave trade,
Ships filled with thirteen’s plunder,
Riches back to kings.

Boston’s News-Letter,
Hucks goods in just third paper,
Business model made.

Adam Smith saw more,
Consumption could make us rich,
Profit motive born.

Ads sold, hunted slaves,
Promoters called man product,
Auction on Tuesday.

Meanwhile engines roared,
Mass production had arrived,
Demand slowly grew.

Pulitzer sees link,
Base ad rates on copies sold,
Count them evermore.

Magazines debut,
Advertising thought a sham,
But cash soon wins out.

Lad Volney Palmer,
Bought and resold paper space,
World’s first ad agent.

Stores were quite boring,
Barrels behind a counter,
Products sold in bulk.

Genius Quaker Oats,
Put breakfast in a package,
Brand and logo born.

Devil sold some meat,
Upton’s vile “all but the squeal,”
Yet brands they loved so.

Slogans and jingles,
Captured public’s hearts and minds,
“Ivory soap: It floats.”

Coke sold brain tonic,
Kodak made pics button press,
Art sold cigarettes.

Agencies enlarged,
Copywriters work full-time,
Al Lasker hits scene.

Business gets bigger,
Immigrants sought to fill jobs,
Chain stores grow so fast.

Uneeda Biscuit,
Starts gold age of trademarked brands,
Arrow Collar Man.

Salesmanship in print,
Copy now states “reason why”
Ads embrace hard sell.

Market research now,
Shines light on hidden passion,
Which ads pull the best?

When it rains, it pours,
‘Lectric power fills the house,
Ford makes cars in line.

Uncle Sam is born,
War propaganda wants you,
Manufacture grows.

Flapper Twenties Sell,
Smokes to women, grocery stores,
More on buyers’ brain.

Ad men light the bulb,
Women buy most things today,
But can’t get ad job.

Every part now stinks,
Always bridesmaid fights bad breath,
Body odor, too.

Keep your slender bod,
Toasted Luckies, not candy,
Health claims for your cigs.

Ice box now a fridge,
Fashion colors light the home,
Run-proof hosiery.

Radio arrives,
Golden voices hit the home,
Gold Dust twins sing songs.

Depression halts fun,
Brother, can you spare a dime?
Ads sell hard once more.

War always fixes,
Stalled and dead economies,
Fac’tries grow some more.

Competition bombed,
America sells like mad.
Keep up with Jonses.

TVs in the house,
Fab’lous Fifties Rock ‘n’ Roll,
Boob tube for them all.

Revolution’s here,
Reeves, Burnett, & Ogilvy,
Bernbach says “Think Small.”

Rolls’ clock makes a noise,
M&M’s melt in your mouth,
Jolly Green Giant.

Momentum subsides,
But mad men not idle long,
You’ve come long way, babe.

Sexist seventies,
Don’t do much for women’s rights,
Not that far, it seems.

Eighties say greed good,
Apple steels the Super Bowl,
Old hag: Where’s the Beef?

Nineties brought the Net,
Blew up mad men’s whole damned game,
Killed dad’s paper, too.

Viral, buzz, and tweet.
SEO and ROI,
Are now what to teach.

Word of mouth is king,
Google’s AdWords everything,
Cookies cached and set.

I love Facebook, too.
But don’t you miss Bill Bernbach?
Algorithms rule.